Saturday, October 13, 2012

CJ Roberts on Bullying (aka Being a Dick-face)


Hello, my sexy fans. As you know, October is anti-bullying month. It may surprise you to learn that I have insight into the topic because I was, am, and probably always be, bullied in one way or another. To be honest, I think the term ‘bullying’ leaves a lot to be desired. When I see it or hear it, I imagine a bigger person physically shoving or taunting a smaller person; I think it goes much deeper than that. I prefer the term ‘being a dick-face’ because it is the most common form of bullying whether you’re a child or an adult. You’ll probably get a lot of great advice from the other authors participating. A lot of it will probably be better than mine, but for those of you who share my kind of spirit, I wanted to share my experiences, insights, and problem solving solutions with you.

Grade School
I know that today, I am a sexy vixen (um...see above!) with two great selling books, an entourage of biker friends, and a comedic  style that almost made two girls laugh themselves to death (literally, we almost died laughing). But once upon a time – I was…a nerd. GASP! To be honest, I’m still a nerd. But when you've suddenly become popular and people want to eat the food that falls out of your mouth, the fact you’re into things like reading books and watching Star Wars for the millionth time, doesn't seem to matter.

I was a tomboy, never liked combing my thick, bushy hair, and I wore purple pants with a zebra print shirt. I was about as uncool as you could possibly get! The girls used to make fun of me and put gum in my hair (peanut butter is your friend). They called me ‘Krusty’ (it’s an amateurish jibe at my name). They used to throw rocks at me when I walked to/from school. The boys liked to hang out with me sometimes, until the pretty girls would come around and they would all disappear. My best friend was the only special-needs girl in our class (this is before dyslexia was commonly known about). Her name was Tammy and I loved her. Every Thursday I was the only person she invited to the ‘ice cream party’ held by the special-needs teachers in the red bungalow. She never invited any of the other girls who promised to be her friend and not put gum in her hair anymore if she took them. LOYALTY! It is, was, and remains my top criteria for choosing friends.

My advice: Make friends with the misfits. There are more of us than there are of the ‘popular kids’. Also, we’re going to end up doing great things while those other kids are going to leave their best days behind them after high school (because they’re dick-faces!).

Junior High
More of the same, but with boobs.

My advice: Take self-defense classes. I only had to punch one dick-face in the mouth and word spread. They talked about me. I was still unpopular. But the important part is, they said it behind my back and stayed well-clear of my right hook.

High School
I joined the Thespian Society, LOL. This goes back to my ‘make friends with misfits’ advice. My entire high school career was like one long episode of Glee. I still wasn't overly popular, but the fact I had accepted my weirdness and found a place to share it meant the world to me.

My advice: If you find yourself in a theatre class v. football team face off…just run. Again, most of them end up reliving high school as their ‘glory days’, while you go on to being on Broadway and making a PA get you things like bottled water from the mountains of Peru and sorting your M&M’s by color (I like the red ones).

I haven’t changed much. However, what has made all the difference in my life is that I have a clear sense of who I am and what is important to me. I have very few friends, because my bar is set high. I love deeply and I expect that kind of devotion in return (and I get it). I embrace the fact I have a twisted sense of humor. Sometimes I wear a mustache in public because I think making people simultaneously disgusted/nervous to be around me is AMUSING!

When I first started sharing my writing with people there were some that called me sick. They said the fact I wrote erotica was ‘pedestrian’ and ‘the last refuge of a person who has no talent’. It hurt my feelings, but the fact I had been around dick-faces my entire life PREPARED ME for the criticism I face as an adult from fully grown dick-faces who have graduated high school but also haven’t changed much.

All said and done – I have sold over 40,000 copies of my ‘pedestrian’ books. Meanwhile, they’re still toiling away on that non-fiction manuscript that will never see the inside of a Barnes & Noble.

My advice: EAT IT! DICK-FACE.


  1. I love this. Too many kids feel left out and alone because they are bullied. It breaks my heart every time I see a new story about one of these bullied teens taking their life.
    I was bullied in high school too, luckily for me I was also a tough, so it was mostly whispers behind my back. I tried not to let it get to me, but it did. I ended up dropping out senior year and moving 1,500 miles[where I finished school]. If I had reached out to more of the oddball kids like myself maybe I wouldn't have felt the need to run. I'm just glad that all this social media bullying wasn't around back then.

    Thanks for sharing your experiences. When I write my own books I'll remember to not listen to the dick-faces. :]

  2. As if I didn't already, this just increased my girlie crush by ten fold. If I could get your permission to use this page for work, my girlie crush would increase even more. I work with juvenile. "Delinquent "girls, girls who could benefit from reading this. Please

  3. Thank you all so much! I think this is much of the reason I am a bit uncomfortable with compliments. I'm just not used to them - but I am certainly getting there! LOL

    This has all meant so much to me and I'm thrilled I could share this with you and perhaps inspire.

    YA Vixen - I'm sorry it was so bad you felt the need to move! I'm glad you made it out ok. And yes, when you start writing keep your head held high and remember the more haters you get, the better you're doing!

    Trisha, feel free to share it if you like. My story is our story.

    <3 CJ

  4. You rock woman! I was and still am "bullied" for being different. That is what you get when you are a smart, hot and shameless redhead who loves to read dirty books and stalk Paul Walker! Yee Haw!

    Honestly, I am lucky that I have a strong sense of self and know who I am. I never fit in to the norm and was lucky to find friends who have accepted me for the bizarre and unique creature that I am. I still have a friend I made in the 5th grade that I talk to at least once a week. I guess my weirdness is endearing.

    The things that the dick-faces say still creep into my mind on my bad days but I look at who they are today and know I kick their ass in every aspect of life!

    1. This is great! In some ways bullies have gotten worse (internet). But also, there has been an uprising of nerds who are proud to BE nerds. It's certainly a movement I can get behind. :)

  5. Well, I bet those dick-faces are definitely eating it're intelligent, successful & gorgeous! Suck it dick-faces!

    I wasn't bullied really - well, not to my face anyway. I was the fat girl in HS, perhaps they were afraid I would sit on them ;) Technically, I'm still the fat girl, but unlike high school, it isn't what defines me. Like you, my friends were the "misfits", but damn we had fun! We still do!

    My son however, wasn't so lucky. For a little while in elementary school, he had to have his eye patched to help strengthen the muscle. And we all know kids can be mean little assholes! When he came home upset, I tried my best to explain to him that we should actually feel sorry for the bullies. They obviously didn't like themselves and the only way to feel better is making others feel bad abut themselves...and how sad is that? He just learned to ignore them for the most part - and he ended up being one of the most empathetic people I know. I'm very proud of him and anyone that stands up to bullying. No one should be made to feel bad about themselves for being unique.

    1. Sometimes I think bullies reflect the image we have of ourselves inside. Looking back at my old photos - I don't think I was ugly, but BOY,did I have confidence issues back then. If I had a paper sack I would have worn it.

      I have to remind myself of this sometimes, because the truth is, I can still be insecure and very hard on myself.

      The only person who can really hurt you - is you.

      Thanks for sharing.

  6. thanks for sharing your story CJ. I wish I had your strength when I was younger. I for one (1 of over 40,000) am so glad that you stayed true to you and that you kept writing what you wanted to write.
    I was bullied throughout high school, called "ugly" (a cruel play on my name)amongst other things, left out, shunned. I moved to a different state when I married by husband and even though it was leaving all my family it was also leaving all the people that bullied me. It was easy to run at the time. It affected me deeply for more years than it should have but now I finally found my strength to believe that I am my kind of beautiful. Going to my 30th year school reunion last year helped with that too.
    Sometimes that hurt surfaces but only long enough for me to look around and be grateful for what I have, the experiences that have taught me to be strong and confident in myself. That's how I look on those days, they taught me strength and resilience.
    I have been blessed with a special needs son and he is the most compassionate, caring, loving, loyal person you will ever meet. Maybe I was given that experience so I could help him.
    Lee :)

    1. Lee,
      This is really beautiful. I really felt it because I think it best reflects how I felt as a kid. I'm glad you didn't succumb to it.

      As for your son, give him a big kiss and a hug from me. I'm sure he's the best of us all.